Dating Culture

  This week, I had the opportunity to discuss changes within dating culture within the past few decades and compare the pros and cons of "historical dating" and current dating culture. As we did so, our discussion centered on the movement away from traditional dating into a newer, seemingly less stressful pattern of "hanging out." As we weighed out these differences, we discussed the implications of historical versus current dating patterns within the context of the ideas and models of Dr. John Van Epp. Of the topics we have discussed in my class so far, this one has been one of the most impactful for me, as it helped me reframe my views of dating and how harmful current trends can be. Here is some of what I learned:

As I mentioned earlier, my class mainly discussed current versus historical dating cultures and the benefits and downsides associated with each dating style. But what exactly is the difference? In historical dating patterns, individuals went on a variety of dates with a variety of people with the purpose of getting to know people. Eventually, after going on a few dates with someone they had grown to like, the couple splits off, determining to date exclusively with an eye towards increased commitment (in this case, marriage). Some advantages of the style of dating are that it is entertaining and fun, there is less long-term risk (you're simply getting to know a lot of people and weeding out what you like versus don't like in a partner), and it provides opportunities to individuals to build new skills (such as social skills or skills associated with the date activity). On the opposite side of things, some potential disadvantages of this dating method include its need for more effort and creativity, and there are high short-term risks (what if you get rejected? what if the date is awkward?). 

Looking at current dating strategies, individuals tend to skip out on the idea of going on lots of different dates, choosing to instead move straight to courtship, which has a variety of endings, such as cohabitation, breakup, or marriage. Some advantages of this dating method include that it is low effort, the initial risk is limited, and it is widely accepted today. On the flip side, this dating style can be boring, it has high long-term risks, you're learning limited relationships and life skills, and this dating pattern produces poor "knowing potential." I want to focus on this idea of "knowing potential," particularly as it fits in with a relationship equation developed by Dr. John Van Epp. According to Van Epp, people begin to know each other and build a relationship when three elements are present: togetherness, talk, and time. In our current dating culture, individuals lack active and meaningful shared experiences, mutual self-disclosure is cast aside due to commitment fears, and people rush straight into relationships. As a result, they don't get to know people, and relationships are much more fragile. 

In continuing our discussion on current dating patterns, my professor also brought up an interesting point he had identified in many of his students: they didn't see a purpose in dating once they were already engaged or married. By current standards, it is easy to fall into this idea that once you're committed to each other, that's it. There's no more need to get to know each other and to have those fun dates and experiences together. As we talked about this phenomenon, I realized how damaging this mentality in relationships is. When couples fall into this pattern, it is easy for them to feel like they've lost touch with each other and that their relationship isn't as strong as it used to be. In general, this week's class discussion made me focus on my own relationship patterns and whether or not I want current dating trends to influence my relationships. It was a neat experience, especially as this is a cultural feature I don't think about often.

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