New Overtaking the Old

  This past week, during a class lecture, I had the opportunity to learn more about a sociological family theory known as the Family Systems Theory. As a result, of my class' discussion, I was able to see the insight that this theory brings into family life and how it can help us see elements of our own families that were previously out of our awareness. This discussion had an immense impact on me and led me to do some reflection on my own family experiences.

Before jumping into the details of the Family Systems Theory and its application to our lives, I would first like to explain the theory and its origins. Although the Family Systems Theory found its formal foundation in the 1960s, it takes root in many earlier sociological observations of family, particularly those shared by Ernest Burgess in 1926 to the American Sociological Association. During this presentation, Burgess shared that family is "a unity of interacting personalities," going on to say that family relies on rituals, roles, and interdependence to function (and that a lack of these things causes family disarray). As Burgess' comments made waves in the sociological community, more and more researchers built on his ideas to create the Family Systems Theory. In simplest terms, the Family Systems Theory is the idea that family members create an environment where they interact and influence each other (whether for good or bad). Under this theory, a family is an interconnected unit with its own set of boundaries, roles, and rules.

With this definition and background in mind, I would like to focus on the influence of rules on family life. Although it can be easy to list off all of the rules we were taught directly from our families, curfew is at ten, or feed the dog before you leave for school, there are more rules that we learn without being directly taught them. For example, we may have found out that you must ask someone to pass food to you rather than just grabbing it from across the table as a kid after your parents gave the "stare." While rules such as the one I just shared are a little more light-hearted, these nonverbal rules can also be more serious, having long-term effects on the understanding of the world. For example, you may have learned that asking for help is a sign of weakness from watching the behaviors of your family members. As a result, you are very stubborn about doing things for yourself and believe that you cannot lean on others, even when you're struggling. 

So, what can we do when the rules we have learned from our family are less than ideal? Can they even be changed? I am a stronger believer in the idea that all of us are capable of change. One of the hardest lessons that we will have to learn in this process is how to forgive ourselves and move forward when we catch ourselves turning back to our old ways. If we want to see practical results and changes in our lives, we can't expect ourselves to become an overnight success in the change department. Just as we spent years learning family rules and how to fit in line with them, it takes time to learn how to step away from them and create better alternatives. Look at the results of a 2015 Journal of Behavioral study for example. While studying habit formation amongst new gym attendees, researchers found that successful exercise habit formation required individuals to work out at least 4 times a week for 6 weeks to build new and better physical health habits. In addition, the researchers noted that both the development of habit and intention were important predictors of exercise behaviors. So you may be asking yourself, how are these two things related? Sure, family and exercise are a little different, but the principles learned from this study can still apply. When we are creating a new habit within our lives it requires time and intention for new habits to overtake the old. 

Here is a link to the study mentioned above:

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10865-015-9640-7#Sec27