Parenting

  Parenting is a hot topic regularly discussed in the media and in people's day-to-day lives. For many, parenting causes quite a bit of anxiety, with more and more people choosing to avoid it. Looking at data on the subject, the Pew Research Center reports a long-term decline in larger families, noting that most American women today (about 62%) ages 40-44 have only one or two children. However, despite this, reports have shown that about 41% of American adults today believe that having three or more kids is the most ideal, the highest peak in this view since 1997. So, if more people share these views, why are we still having fewer children?

Some researchers point to current parenting trends and views to explain this phenomenon. Dr. Leanord Sax, an expert in child development and a family physician and psychologist, believes that a lack of confidence in one's parenting abilities and the handing over of parental responsibilities to children is to blame. One example he looks at is dinner table conversations with kids. It is common to see parents trying to negotiate with their children, asking them to "try just one bite" or "eat three pieces of broccoli, and then you can have dessert." And while these conversations seem very civilized and well handled, it gives the child control of the situation and shifts responsibilities that should be the parent's on to them. This parenting method is particularly concerning as it expects children to be experts when they haven't received proper teaching beforehand. Thinking about this method in any other context puts this risk into perspective. Think of work or school settings. An employer or teacher can't expect their students or employees to give their best when they haven't had training or teaching on the topics or tasks they must perform. So, why do we expect kids to be life experts when they haven't received the proper guidance and direction? 

Another contributing factor to the disconnect between the number of children people might want to have and do have is social media. Although it has overtaken our lives in recent years, social media is still a new phenomenon that has presented challenges to rising generations that were foreign to those who came before them. With a comparison at an all-time high and access to age-inappropriate content and predators lurking around, adults may fear the world they are raising their kids in. Coupled with a lack of confidence in one's abilities to protect their children and have conversations about safety, the vastness of the internet can leave many feeling as though they should not join the parenting world. In addition, pressures to be the "perfect parent" may discourage those facing the realities of parenthood with all its ups and downs from having more kids. 

So, should we give up on parenting completely? No! It's necessary to set realistic expectations for one's self and their children. Rather than expecting our lives and future family's life to fall into place by themselves, we must be willing to put in the time, effort, and attention to build strong parent-child relationships. Parenting is hard, but that doesn't mean it isn't worthwhile. Family is the first source that children learn from, and it's necessary that we show children how meaningful their success and growth are to us by being a kind but firm presence in their lives. So many people today don't recognize how rewarding it is to see someone you have loved and cared for so long gain confidence in their potential and in their abilities to be successful and happy in life. Parenting requires a great deal of unselfishness and a willingness to recognize when we are wrong and need to improve, but that doesn't mean we should discard it. 

Links to Referenced Articles:

https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2018/08/09/middle-children-have-become-rarer-but-a-growing-share-of-americans-now-say-three-or-more-kids-are-ideal/

https://www.macleans.ca/society/the-collapse-of-parenting-why-its-time-for-parents-to-grow-up/

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